Define "chronic" masturbator.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
