i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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