Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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