I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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