I got chris browned last night
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
