That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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