she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
