The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
