Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
