If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Text me some of your sweat
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
