so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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