even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
