This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
