dude i'm inner monologue high
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
