Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize