I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
