you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
