U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
