I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Watching her eat just hurts me
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
