I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
