still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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