I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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