Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
