I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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