remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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