You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
well most of my day revolves around power hour
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
