so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
