You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
