OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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