Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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