Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
