you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
