He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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