don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
