I think I died a long time ago.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
