So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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