Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
