She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
