but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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