If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
