I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
