thus making me awesome and them whores
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
