i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
