I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
