It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
