her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
