Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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