Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Randomize
