No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
