i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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