Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
