i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Randomize
