Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
