weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
